“Depression ho toh belt nikalti hai”: ‘Lafangey’ cast on why men don’t discuss mental health

Friendship, family, finances, fitness: these were the F-bombs that ‘Lafangey’ actors Gagan Arora, Anud Singh Dhaka, and Harsh Beniwal spilled the beans on, in an exclusive conversation with Hook.

Opening up on growing up in middle-class homes, they talked about adulting, valuing what one has, keeping it real on social media, and their upcoming show, ‘Lafangey.’

Growing up middle class before Bollywood

We all know that many major actors like Akshay Kumar and Manoj Bajpai did not come from wealthy film families. This journey, from a simple, middle-class upbringing, to the gilded stage of Bollywood, is something actors Harsh Beniwal, Anud Singh Dhaka, and Gagan Arora discussed.

Talking about his humble beginnings, Anud said, “Main Priya scooter pe apne Papa ke saath ghoomta tha, aaj bhi ghar mein wahi hai (I used to roam around on a Priya scooter with my dad, and that’s still there at home). Maruti Zen thi, usmein kabhi AC nahi chalate the, kyunki tab average kam deti hai gaadi (There was a Maruti Zen we never ran the AC in because then, the car’s average mileage would go down).”

Crediting his parents for providing financial security against all odds, Gagan said, “I’ve been in that household where koi kuch khulle mein bolta nahi hai, but har koi na, apne aap se sacrifices karta ja raha hai chup-chaap, taaki ghar chalta rahe (I’ve been in that household where nobody says anything openly, but everyone keeps making sacrifices on their own so that the house keeps running),” with Anud adding, “Humein kabhi pata nahi chala ki humein paise ki kami hai (We never got to know that there was a shortage of funds). Humein kabhi khane ki dikkat nahi hui (We never had to worry about the next meal).”

But are these experiences of the middle-class represented onscreen? Delving into the relatability (or lack thereof) of modern shows about rich people and their problems, Anud talked about how many popular new shows depict lives most of us don’t lead: “The kind of shows that I have witnessed recently, they all have a target audience which isn’t me. They come from a privileged background where, probably, having money is a problem. I have not lived that life.”

“Delulu is not the solulu” & other lessons in adulting

Opening up on his first heartbreak, Harsh, spoke about the first time he realised the importance of financial wealth: “Mera jo heartbreak tha school mein, usne toh mujhe bohot push kiya iss cheez ke liye ki yaar life mein na, paisa bohot zaroori hai (My heartbreak in school pushed me to realise that money is very important in life). Mereko uss time samajh aa gaya tha-- kuch cheezein hui thi mere saath-- toh mujhe wahan clear ho gaya tha yaar, paisa kamaana kitna zaroori hai (I understood then—because some things happened to me—so I understood how important it is to earn money). Cheezein thodi samajh aayi thi, aur achchhe ke liye samajh aayi thi (I realised a lot of things, and I learnt those lessons for the best).”

But that wasn’t the only piece of adulting wisdom they imparted. Gagan talked about appreciating the unacknowledged labour of mothers: “Abhi jab main kabhi khud khaana banata hoon na, toh samajh aata hai (When I have to cook myself now, I understand). Mummy ko roz bolte the, ‘Arrey yeh kya bana diya, Mumma yeh nahi kha sakta main (We used to tell Mummy, ‘What have you made, Mumma, I can’t eat this)!’ Suddenly when you start cooking on your own, tab samajh aata hai ki woh poore din kaam karke baithi thi (Suddenly when you start cooking on your own, then you realise that she worked all day). She did a hundred jobs in the house without—na kaam wali hai ghar pe kisi time pe, na kuch hai (no help at home, nothing)—woh khud sab kuch kar rahi hain (she did everything herself). Aur humlog bane-banaye, garma-garam khaane ko dekh ke kehte hain, ‘Yeh kya hai yaar (And our reaction to warm meals was, ‘What is this’)!’”

Anud added how money is often taken for granted by children, but adulthood shatters a lot of illusions: “Ek baar, humare paas Zen thi, bank ke saath dikkat ho gayi thi toh woh le gaye the (Once, we had a Zen, and there was some trouble with the bank so they took it away). Main bhaaga-bhaaga gullak leke aaya, ki isse bacha lo (I came running with my piggy bank and offered money from it). 500 rupaye nahi honge, par, you are so sheltered (It wouldn’t even had 500 rupees inside, but you’re so sheltered). And then all of a sudden, you feel like ‘Was I living in a delusion? How is my life falling apart?’ Delulu is not the solulu!”

Can men talk about mental health openly online?

Actors, just like anyone else, can have heartbreak, experience sorrow, stress, or anxiety. But as male public figures, how do they each navigate such episodes? As men, do they have the space to be open about mental health issues?

Shedding light on this with what appeared to be a joke, Anud revealed a lot about how mental health issues are handled in many Indian families: “Humein depression nahi hota (We don’t get depressed). Kyunki agar depression hota hai, toh phir belt nikalti hai (Because if we have depression, the belt comes out).”

Harsh had a light-hearted yet telling anecdote on the same. “Jo social media hai, wahan pe bohot se log hote hain aise ki woh mazaak bana dete hain uss cheez ka (On social media, a lot of people make a mockery of the issue). Kai baar aisa hua hai jaise ki starting mein videos pe views na aana ya trending pe naa aana bohot affect karta tha (Many a time, in the beginning, the lack of views or my videos not trending, used to affect me a lot). Toh main bolta tha ki yaar ye trending nahi hai (So I used to say this isn’t trending). Toh log yeh DM karte the, ‘Bhai tera har baar ka hai, tu har baar rona chaalu kar deta hai.’ (So people used to DM me, ‘Buddy you do this all the time, you’re always cribbing.’) Toh main samajh gaya ki audience ko yeh bata ke kuch hona nahi hai mere case mein (So I understood there’s no point talking to my audience about this).”

Talking about how he is expected to entertain people, Harsh said, “Jaisi meri audience hai na, unko chahiye main sirf hasta rahoon, hasata rahoon (The way my audience is, they just want me to laugh and make them laugh). Bohot logon ki audience alag hogi, toh woh sunti hogi, samajhti hogi (Other people’s audiences might be different, and might listen or understand).”

Sharing his thoughts on those who share a lot of their personal problems online, he added, “Main rote-rote camera nahi utha sakta, ki main ro raha hoon aur camera on kar loon (I can’t pick up the camera while crying, like I’m crying and I switched on the camera). Woh I guess auron ke case mein work karta hoga (That, I guess, works in other people’s cases). Shayad mera andar ka zameer nahi allow karega ki main ro raha hoon aur main baat kar raha hoon (Perhaps my inner conscience won’t allow me to cry and then talk about it). Jo karta hai, main unko judge nahi karta (I don’t judge people who do it).”

By contrast, much the way Deepika Padukone opened up on her mental health issues to help others, Gagan talked about sharing issues only if there’s a helpful takeaway at the end of it: “If it comes to a point that I’m sitting at a platform where people want to know and I know for sure that somebody’s going to benefit out of it, I don’t mind sharing my mental health explorations. But I think on the contrary, if it’s just personal to me, I go away from social media.”

Busting fitness myths: “Bade dole matlab healthy nahi”

As for physical health, the ‘Lafangey’ cast expressed the importance of remaining immune to the pressure of having 8-pack abs. Talking about prioritising exercise over physical looks, Harsh said, “Unrealistic standard set ho chuke hain (Standards have become unrealistic). Mereko lagta tha, body woh hi achchhi hai jispe abs chamke (I used to think that bodies with abs are good). But maine woh log dekhe hain, abs wale bande, achchhi body wale, heart attack aate dekha hai logon ko (But I have seen people with abs and good boies get heart attacks). Just because woh healthy nahi hai (Just because they aren’t healthy). Bade dole matlab healthy nahi (Bulky muscles don’t represent good health).”

Anud added that fitness goals are subjective and should be determined by overall physical health, not externalities: “If you are feeling healthy in the way that you are, if you are happy with your body, all power to you. I personally believe that there is always scope for improvement.”

But the pressure to look a certain way doesn’t end with attaining the “ideal” body.

Dressing the part: does fashion matter?

Public figures, especially women, are often expected to present themselves a certain way, resulting in a significant amount of pressure. But do male actors face the same pressure?

For Anud and Gagan, comfort was the priority, not trends or expectations. Anud said, “Mera joota comfortable hona chahiye (I want my shoes to be comfortable). Pant mujhe irritate na kare (My pants shouldn’t irritate me). Main poori duniya mein kahin pe bhi chappal, chaddha, T-shirt, topi mein ja sakta hoon (I can go anywhere in the world in my flip-flops, shorts, T-shirt, and cap). Mera airport look bhi wahi hai, mera ghar look bhi wahi hai (That’s my airport look and my home look).”

While Gagan added, “Anything that is skinny, anything that constantly is in contact with my body, I don’t like. If it’s not fashion-forward, I’m comfortable with that.”

Harsh, on the other hand, felt fashion is important because it has a lot to do with how you feel inside: “Mereko thoda lagta hai achchha ki main ghar se nikloon toh achchha banke nikloon (I feel nice when I leave the house looking good). Ya kuch jo naya chal raha hai, woh try karoon (When there’s a new trend, I like trying it). It’s just ki aapko alag confidence feel hota hai (It’s just that you feel a different kind of confidence then).”

About ‘Lafangey’: its story, characters, and setting

The story of three childhood friends who try to navigate real adult problems after college, ‘Lafangey’ is a coming-of-age story of sorts.

In it, Gagan plays Rohan, or ‘Ronnie’, whom he says “Is taking all the decisions based on his romantic life. He thinks life is not that tough, life is easy.”

Harsh’s character, Kamlesh, or ‘Kammo’, is an aspiring actor with delusions of grandeur. Harsh describes him thus: “Usko lagta hai bas gym jayega, body banaega, toh usko Mumbai mein log actor bana denge (He thinks if he just goes to the gym, people will make him an actor in Mumbai). Kuch craft pe kaam nahi karna, kuch bhi nahi karna, bas doston ne bol diya ki ‘Tu actor ban sakta hai,’ toh usko lagta hai-- ek delusion mein hai ki--‘Haan bhai doston ne keh diya, main toh ban hi jaunga actor (There’s no need to work on his craft, as long as his friends have said ‘You can be an actor’, he thinks—or is living with the delusion that-- ‘Yes, my friends have said so, which means I will become an actor)!’”

Anud’s character Chatty has a crisis when things don’t go as planned even when he does everything the way he was taught to: “Bachpan se sikhayi saari achchhi baatein—pooja karo, bhagwan mein believe karo, badon ki baatein suno, mehnat karo, padhai karo—aur sab tumhare saath achchha hoga (He is taught all these good things since childhood—pray, believe in God, listen to your elders, work hard, study—and good things will happen to you). Par nahi hota (But they don’t happen). Cheezein ab nahi hoti toh ideologies shift hoti hain (When things don’t go as planned, ideologies shift). Everything that he’s believed in starts feeling like a lie.”

Sounds familiar? To catch this relatable show, head to Amazon MX Player, where ‘Lafangey’ has been streaming since June 6.