A new dating term is gaining traction online: mankeeping. It describes a subtle pattern where women compensate for men’s emotional gaps by managing moods, resolving conflicts, and often carrying the relationship’s emotional weight. While the word is new, the experience is not.
Therapist Jyoti Das explains the roots of this dynamic: “Under patriarchy and capitalism, women are socialised as nurturers and caregivers. Men are taught to suppress emotions, creating a skewed dynamic where women carry the emotional load and men struggle to acknowledge it. This often turns relationships into cycles of raising your partner, leaving women feeling neglected, lonely, and exhausted.”
Emotional labour in relationships
Emotional labour often goes unnoticed, yet it forms the backbone of many relationships. Remembering important dates, soothing a partner’s frustrations, initiating difficult conversations, and managing conflicts can fall disproportionately on women. Over time, care can turn into constant responsibility, leaving women feeling drained and undervalued.
“Many women don’t notice the imbalance immediately,” says Das. “It often starts as care, then responsibility, and slowly becomes emotional parenting. Women end up feeling like they are the only ones holding the relationship together.”
Why men often don’t see it
Men are frequently unaware of the emotional labour women do. This isn’t always intentional—social norms teach boys to suppress vulnerability and avoid emotional expression. As adults, this can translate into emotional avoidance or relying on partners to manage feelings on their behalf.
“When someone hasn’t been taught to sit with discomfort, they outsource it. In heterosexual relationships, women often become the default emotional space,” explains Das.
The cost of imbalance
Uneven emotional labour comes at a high cost. Women report feeling unseen, undervalued, and emotionally drained, even while in loving relationships. What begins as care can turn into chronic stress, making one partner carry most of the relational weight while the other remains largely unaware.
Towards shared responsibility
So who should carry the emotional weight in relationships? Experts agree: it should be shared. Emotional labour is not inherently tied to gender,it’s a skill that both partners must cultivate. Balance means communicating openly, taking responsibility for one’s own feelings, and actively contributing to the relationship’s emotional upkeep.
“Maturity in relationships comes when emotional labour is mutual,” says Das. “It’s not about keeping score,it’s about showing up equally.” Awareness is just the first step, but real change requires unlearning gendered expectations and encouraging emotional growth in all partners.
Until then, mankeeping remains a lived reality for many women, raising the question: can relationships finally become spaces of shared emotional responsibility, or will old social patterns keep deciding for us?
