Is the dating trend ‘submarining’ worse than ghosting?

You’ve probably heard of ghosting, but what about ‘submarining’? This newer dating trend has taken the internet by storm, and it’s causing quite a stir in the world of relationships.

Submarining is a form of ghosting where someone disappears from your life without explanation and then resurfaces months later as if nothing happened. This can be especially frustrating when you’ve finally started to move on and let go of the person who vanished.

How does submarining work?

In essence, submarining is ghosting with a twist. Instead of simply cutting off contact, the person who "ghosts" you disappear without warning and then pops back up after a period. They act as if nothing strange or hurtful happened, often reaching out without addressing their past disappearance.

For the person on the receiving end, it can feel like you’ve been left hanging, only to have the person reappear with no explanation or apology.

The emotional rollercoaster this causes can be even more confusing than ghosting, as it leaves you wondering whether they’ve actually changed or if they are just back because they’re bored.

What causes submarining behaviour?

One of the reasons is due to the anonymity of the internet. The “disinhibition effect” describes how people start to feel distant from the person with whom they are socializing. They no longer have to face-to-face interaction, and this can make it easier for them to ignore the emotional consequences of their behaviour.

Maybe a person submarines because they feel guilty, do not know how to address their behavior, or even respond because they want to receive attention when it is convenient for them.

Submarining also demonstrates a lack of respect for the other person’s feelings. When someone disappears and later resurfaces and does not take responsibility for the hurt, they potentially caused, that suggests that they do not care about how their actions impacted you. The lack of empathy is a major reason why people find submarining so frustrating.

Submarining vs Ghosting: Which is more disrespectful?

Both submarining and ghosting are poor dating actions, but submarining may be worse. Ghosting allows you to move on and process the silence, while submarining brings you back into the emotional chaos that you were just starting to get past. Submarining causes additional emotional turmoil by forcing you to go through the original emotions of abandonment and isolation, while denying your closure.

So, what do you think? Is submarining more disrespectful than ghosting, or is it just a longer form of the same disrespectful action?