Monkey-barring: The dating trend that reveals our fear of being alone

Periodically, pop culture introduces a new term into the dating vocabulary ‘ghosting,’ ‘breadcrumbing,’ ‘situationships.’ Now, the newest term causing a stir is "Monkey-barring." And contrary to its whimsical name, what this behavior does is far from innocent.

What is monkey-barring?

Monkey-barring is swinging from one relationship to another without ever stopping in singlehood, such as clutching one bar while grasping for the next. It's really unethical serial monogamy, where a person starts shopping for his or her next love interest while still in an existing relationship.

In contrast to polyamory, based on honesty, consent, and emotional communication, monkey-barring is founded on secrecy and evasion. The aim isn't love expansion, it's evading loneliness no matter what.

Why people do it

Psychotherapist Jyoti Das says that relationships have a way of making us rely heavily on our partner, sometimes too heavily. When that security is threatened, being alone becomes scary. Rather than tolerate that discomfort, some reach for the next person immediately, trying to silence their fear of being alone.

Monkey-barring is not really about romance at its core. It's about:

Fear of loneliness –Being single makes them feel they can't survive.

Emotional dependency – The partner turns into a crutch instead of a companion.

Lack of self-awareness – Without introspection, old habits repeat themselves in new relationships.

The hidden costs of monkey-barring

Swinging into the next relationship may be a safety net, but it has long-term implications.

Unresolved baggage – Not working through a breakup allows emotional wounds to transfer to the next connection.

Loss of identity – Continually switching between partners leaves little time for self-exploration.

Shallow bonds – Hurried relationships tend to be shallow and lack emotional depth.

Co-dependency cycle – Every bound gets stronger by reinforcing the need not to be alone.

Eventually, monkey-barring deprives both partners of true growth.

Why solitude matters

Das stresses that isolation shouldn't be suffered, it should be enjoyed. Being alone is not a punishment; it's a strong opportunity. Alone time provides a chance for people to:

Reconnect with their interests and hobbies.

Think through previous relationships and patterns.

Develop emotional independence and strength.

Empower their self-esteem independent of a relationship.

When loneliness is valued, future relationships are more equal and healthy.

The larger picture

Monkey-barring isn't another catchphrase it's a mirror held up to our societal unease with solitude. In a ‘couple goals’-obsessed society, it's courageous to jump off the bars and just be.

Rather than jumping into the next relationship, take a step back. Relearn who you are, what you want, and how you love, because the best relationship you'll ever have is sometimes with yourself.