Shrekking: The fairy-tale dating trend that isn’t so enchanting

Every couple of months, social media declares a new quirky trend for dating. The newest one causing a buzz? Shrekking. Named after the iconic Shrek and Fiona fairytale love story, the title promises something sweet. But take a closer look, and the truth is much less enchanting.

What exactly is shrekking?

In essence, shrekking is dating someone you don't really fancy, on the belief that since you've "settled for less," they will treat you nicer. On a superficial level, it could sound harmless, even rational: valuing niceness over appearance. However, authorities advise that the trend can hurt both the individual who is engaging in it and the person on the receiving end.

Why it sounds sweet but isn't

The Shrek reference is good marketing. In the movie, Fiona sees beyond looks and loves Shrek for who he is. The moral was about connection, comedy, and loyalty not ‘settling’ out of sympathy or convenience.

Conversely, shrekking trivializes that notion by simplifying relationships down to a choice between being attractive and behaving. It presumes someone ‘less attractive’ will automatically be more loyal or grateful. That mentality is flawed because it positions love as a compromise rather than an authentic connection.

The emotional consequences of shrekking

Although it might initially pass as innocuous, Shrekking can have disastrous emotional consequences:

For you: Dating with no attraction can lead to resentment, guilt, or boredom. Eventually, that absence of real chemistry can result in disconnection or dishonesty.

For them: Be honest and imagine if you'd be dating someone who was chosen because they were "safe" or "a backup." It erodes self-esteem and makes one insecure in a relationship where one should feel equal.

For both: The tension can create distrust and emotional closeness, which are the bases of long-term relationships.

Attraction vs. connection

The greatest failing of shrekking is that it mixes up attraction with connection. Relationships aren't all about the way a person appears, but neither can attraction be dismissed entirely. Emotional and physical chemistry are significant but so are respect, values, and trust.

Experts point out that an enriching relationship is about selecting someone for what they are, not because you believe they're a ‘safe bet’ or because you believe they will idolize you for lowering your standards. That reasoning is shallow, and inversely, it brings about the very instability individuals attempt to escape.

A healthier approach to dating

Rather than Shrekking, the actual moral of Shrek and Fiona's tale is an easy one: be open-minded. Your ‘type’ doesn't always lead to attraction, and sometimes the greatest partner is an unexpected one. But intention makes all the difference. Date people because you like them not because you think you'll be treated better out of obligation.