TikTok’s ‘Date Them Till You Hate Them’ trend: Healthy or toxic?

Are you an Instagram and TikTok regular? If yes, there are high chances that you might have come across the new dating trend: “Date Them Till You Hate Them.” While on the surface it sounds like a bad idea, it gets even worse when you realise what it really means.

Wondering what this new toxic dating term is? Let's dive right in.

What is the ‘Date Them Till You Hate them’ trend?

At its core, the trend is painfully simple: stay in the relationship until your partner’s small, annoying habits pile up to the point where you’re emotionally over it. Then? You walk away after you are done with the relationship and the emotions are gone.

TikToker Meg Neil has popularised the phrase by sharing how she drifted out of a long-term relationship this way. By the time she left, she says, she was emotionally done—so the breakup didn’t crush her like a surprise blow.

Why people are prone to taking on this dating trend?

Talking about problems are hard

Whenever we face issues, as humans we tend to hide and run away. Bringing up issues in a relationship can be taxing and many may delay it instead of solving them. Confrontations can feel tense and awkward, making the process harder.

Breakups are brutal

Ending a relationship comes with anxiety, loneliness, and self-doubt. The “date them till you hate them” approach feels like an emotional cushion. So that when you rip the band-aid, it feels more like relief than heartbreak.

Trauma can play a role

Many carry baggage from their past relationships and want to salvage whatever is left of their present relationship. Rather than risk another blow-up, they prefer to let relationships fade on their own.

But is this healthy?

While this dating trend is easy, it is also toxic. To understand how this can affect the human psyche, Hook spoke to therapist Jyoti Das, who called the trend 'dysfunctional' as it assumes relationships thrive without effort, while avoiding conflict. “While conflicts can be taxing, it can help partners grow and it is always better to resolve issues rather than burying them,” she says.

Das further elaborated, “This kind of dating trend particularly sounds dysfunctional because it relies on the idea that a relationship is naturally good and healthy while actively ignoring the work and effort that goes into building and nurturing a safe and healthy relationship.”

When quizzed about conflicts in relationships, Das insisted that they are important and help both partners express themselves. “Conflicts can be difficult and stressful. However, they’re also an opportunity to learn more about your partner, yourself and the relationship. By excluding this process, nobody’s needs get met as they’re not expressed, one partner is left confused and the other partner is left frustrated about nothing changing,” she added.